Big Brother Tim and Little Brother Red
Meet Big Brother Tim, who shares his experience being matched for 10 years—the relationships formed, the fun along the way, and what he has learned about being a mentor.
Many Bigs and Littles find that they become part of each other’s families over time, meeting each other’s family members and learning more about one another. Family members, sisters, parents, wives, husbands, may join activities and outings as the Big incorporates their Little into their everyday life. For Little Brother Red’s matches, this couldn’t be more true.
Red and his first mentor, Big Brother Danny, got along swimmingly due to their similar quiet personalities. Looking for more things to do together, the two ended up at Danny’s uncle Tim’s house to hang out. Soon, Red had another friend in Tim’s youngest son, Jon, who was only a few years his senior. As someone who had been involved in other volunteer mentor programs, Tim began giving thought to joining BBBS himself, especially at the suggestion of his youngest son.
After a year, Danny announced at a family dinner that he was moving to Florida, and Tim knew this was his opportunity. This moment solidified what they already knew: the match wasn’t just with Danny, it was with the family. A few months later, Red was officially matched with Big Brother Tim, and Jon and Red could continue hanging out, too.
The transition was seamless. Just like before, Red would visit his Big and get to know the whole family in return, but he also began his one-on-one outings with Tim.
The two could always count on having a good time, especially if sports or the outdoors were involved. Simply tossing the football outside became one of their favorite activities. They’d also shoot baskets, go to the YMCA, bike, race, or go-kart—pretty much anything fun, athletic, and outdoorsy you can think of.
Adding on to their outdoor adventures, when Red was younger, you could find this dynamic duo exploring the town while Geocaching. The match would also visit Tim’s friend—Jason Barbknecht, who would go on to run the Conservation Buddies program—to fish through Gills ‘N’ Bills.
Beyond that, Tim would watch Red play football or wrestle, and when Tim's oldest son became an Eagle Scout, Red was there to support. Every January, the two families would get together over breakfast.
Especially when they got to talking about football or wrestling or basketball, they meshed great. But, if nothing else, Tim knew he could always make his Little laugh. When Tim was paired with his somewhat quiet Little Brother, he learned what it took to break the ice. Luckily, it was never hard. This Big’s sense of humor could always elicit a laugh from his Little, and they grew accustomed to lighthearted jabs and teasing.
There came a point, which Tim explains will happen to anyone in a long-term match like his, when the “mentor” part of their match became more prevalent. As he explains, his 15-year-old Little wasn’t interested in the same things he was when he was nine. As Red grew up, naturally, their activities and hangouts followed suit.
One of the most beneficial parts of having a mentor is not just from advice from the Big themselves, but through being let into new circles. This was something that Tim gave extra focus on. He introduced his car-enthusiast Little to his neighbor, who runs the auto program at Ivy Tech, and Red had the opportunity to ride in some of his cars. The Big and Little attended a few car shows and cruise-ins over the years, too. Red also got to meet people from other professions through his Big, such as firefighters, police officers, and business owners.
Early on, Tim encouraged his Little to stay on track in school by studying hard and behaving, especially as a sign of respect towards his mom.
“I just think it's so important for Bigs, for leaders, for influencers to be willing to have tough conversations with folks at times,” Tim explained, “‘Cause if you're always acting like everything's all sunshine and roses, you're not doing them any favors.”
When Red went through high school, this perspective on mentorship stayed. Tim talked to Red about dedication to work and respect—all in an effort to help Red become the young man his mom wanted him to be and that he had the potential to be. It was all the same lessons Tim gave his own sons, whom he jokes that Red accepted more politely than.
“You have to be able to adjust a little, but still make it fun, right? If I was busting his chops all the time, he might not have wanted to continue with the program,” continued Tim.
The two have plenty of good memories to look back on from their decade matched—like when they got caught in freezing rain when driving back from an NBA game, not making it home until 4 in the morning. Tim also looks back fondly on the Christmas shopping they used to do, Tim, Red, and Red’s sister, for Christmas cards and gifts for their mom. With Red now graduated from high school, the two decided to officially close their match, but they plan on keeping their mentor/ friendship.
“I'm proud of the young man that he turned into. I don't know that I had a vision of what he was going to be like as an adult, but he's done a good job,” said Tim. “I've seen a change in him over the last two years, in particular, where he seems to have made that transition from a kid into a young man that's ready to go out and put the work in and set himself up for a good life.”
Be Big!
According to Tim, mentorship creates a ripple in the community, changing not just one life but whole family trees. However, these types of community connections don’t just happen by themselves. People have to take the initiative and do their part to create impact and change. In the process, you learn, too.
“I've had a blessed life, and I think you've got a responsibility to give back a little bit. I want the same things for my community that I want for my family, to be happy and healthy and fruitful,” Tim said.
"If you want to build a stronger community, you can't do it from the sidelines. You gotta get involved. You gotta get in the game.”
You could deepen your connections in the community, too. Learn more about Big Brothers Big Sisters by visiting www.bbbsnei.org or calling 260-456-1600.